


this house is a fucking nightmare

by La_Saffron



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU (Comics), Under the Red Hood
Genre: F/M, Family Drama, Gen, Mission Gone Wrong, No one listens to Batman's Plan, Other, Romantic Comedy, Sexual Tension, Tired Batman™, cursing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-26
Updated: 2019-09-26
Packaged: 2020-10-28 14:36:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20780198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/La_Saffron/pseuds/La_Saffron
Summary: you become a barrier between the colliding heads of jason and damian when a mission goes awry. cue jason hitting on you.





	this house is a fucking nightmare

**Author's Note:**

  * For [PsychoVigilante](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PsychoVigilante/gifts), [florel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/florel/gifts).

> it's been so long since i've posted here, i can literally feel the dust. but i've recently been following the dc universe again and i re-fell in love with all the robin boys, namely jason todd. there isn't enough good content out there and i've read the really good ones too many times.
> 
> so i wrote my own lil crack. i hope i nailed his character down, as with the rest of the batfam. enjoy this junk i dare to call funny, my children.

You closed your eyes, lids burning as you exhaled deeply through your nose. Despite all the ash and smoke in the air, you attempted to steady your breathing rate, as your emotions flew everywhere within your chest. Muffled yells and shouts of pain could be heard in the background, but you didn’t care to focus on them. You were sure that people were getting beaten up, due to the muffled sounds of slamming and grunting surrounding your sharp hearing. Your head sank against the wall behind you, scraping slightly as you crouched onto the balls of your feet, body laying back in utter exhaustion.

This was  _ not  _ how the mission was supposed to go. Like, at all.

A sudden crackle of static whipped inside your ear. “Morph?....Morph! Come in!"

You resisted the urge to turn off your comms, yet despite the twitch in your eye, inhaled one last time, the sharp pang of ash filling your lungs and touched your ear. " **What** ?"

"Thank goodness you're alive!" Oracle exclaimed urgently, as the sound of rapid keyboard tapping could be heard behind her voice. "Red Hood and Robin are stuck in the gorge of the building 200 feet to your left, and the others aren't responding to thei-"

"I got it, O." You clicked off the comms abruptly as you leaped up, thighs burning with pain, and bent over. Your spine shortened and your face grew into a more oblong shape, beak forming as your lips disappeared. Feathers poked out of your skin at a rapid rate and your toes stuck together in pairs of two, rounding off into claws.

You focused your eagle eyes onto the crumbling building as Oracle had directed you and a sharp shrill of bullets whizzed past your tail. You lept off the ledge immediately, wings snapping to attention as the wind carried you over the skyscrapers of Gotham. Swooping down in a sharp plunge, you zoomed into the gorge, air whistling past.

You dodged a few jagged pieces of shrapnel swiftly, and as the light in the weak walls of the building flickered, you heard two bickering voices. You wished you could roll your eyes.

"...fucking demon spawn!" Jason yelled, his voice reverberating throughout the unsteady walls, shaking them. "Who the fuck asked you to follow me?!"

The drawing of a shining katana followed his question. "You let eight of his men follow you here,  _ eight _ , Todd! I could have rid of them the moment they even thought of tailgating me! You're incompetent, that much you proved tonight and always!"

"RAAARGH!"

"HIYAAAA!"

You landed gracefully on a boulder blocking their path to climbing the building with grapples. Your eagle form melted as you slid in your inky form across the area. Your human form reappeared, hands on your hips, an unamused expression set in your features as you silently watched the boys go head to head. Jason's arm guards and Damian's katana clashed together as they met behind the sparks that flew.

"I'll gouge your eyes out!" Damian gritted between his teeth, saliva flying out of the corners of his mouth as he pressed his sword harder against Jason's heavy weight.

His electric blue eyes flared as leaned towered over Damian. "Shut the fuck up, you're like, ten."

"Okay, I think I'll just leave." Your bored voice shocked the two boys as they flew apart. Jason immediately cocked one of his guns at you, but lowered it upon realizing it was just you. The anger in his eyes had diminished slightly as his eyes raked over your form, softening considerably. Shadows cast over his face, making it hard for you to see his genuine expressions from so high up. 

"Morph! Oh, thank Go- OOF," Jason grunted as Damian slammed into him, tackling his weight to the ground and slicing his sword downward. The katana penetrated the marble beneath them, blade facing Jason's nose. Both were breathing hard in anger, and Damian implanted his knee into Jason's elbow, squeezing a grunt from him. 

"Son of a bitch," he seethed, spitting dirt out of the corner of his mouth. "If I get up right now, I'll--"

"Stay. Down." Damian sneered, inching close to his ear.

You sighed, closing your eyes for the second time that night. "You both have fifteen seconds to climb onto my back or this building collapses on you and then not even Batman will be able to dig your sorry carcasses out."

Damian whipped his head towards you, domino mask tight around his eyes, frowning as he gripped the handle of his katana tighter. Planting his boot harder onto Jason's back, he dug it further between his shoulder blades as his other knee pinned Jason's left arm down into his ribs. "I can get myself out of this hellhole with this… this… disgrace of a Robin, if I wanted to."

You sat down on the boulder, but the gentle movement caused the walls to shake violently, debris falling all around you. You simply criss-crossed your legs and placed your palms onto your knees. "Then, why haven't you already?"

Damian's nose curled into a grimace as he glanced down at Jason's pinned form. "Because I have to teach this grave-escaping piece of trash how a true assassin fights."

In one swift movement, Jason's right elbow kicked back and slammed into the side of Damian's face, causing him to cry out in angered pain. As the boy fell off of his back, Jason grabbed his wrist and tugged him close, bringing his knee up to slam into his forehead. He caught Robin's limp body in his forearm and glanced upward. Half of his helmet had been cracked open, presumably by one of Black Mask's goons, and half of his lovely face shone through the bloody red helmet. 

"Go long," he smirked half-heartedly as he angled his body to twist back, and propelled Damian's body towards you. Your arms wound into a quick net, catching the unconscious boy with a small fwip. Your netted fingers shifted back into sturdy human appendages as you looked down at Jason, his breathing heavy and body swaying slightly.

Jason pumped a fist into the air softly. "Score," he chuckled. "Never thought I'd be playing basketball with the little twit."

"You have five seconds, LeBron James." you called to him, eyes scanning the shaking walls of the building cautiously. "This baby is rigged to blow."

"...you know what else is rigged to bl-"

"Not now, Jason!"

He sighed and lifted his arms warily, head drooping to his collarbone as you sprouted four wings from your upper back and midsection. You swooped down in a U shaped arc, growing another pair of strong arms to clasp hands with Jason, tugging him upwards as his body swung underneath you like a slow pendulum.

You beat your wings as hard as you could muster, sashaying your body to escape giant clumps of falling debris. Your shoulders strained heavily to lift the Red Hood and Robin, two of Batman's most rogue apprentices, up and out of the deep gorge they somehow fell into together. Jason's leather gloves gripped your wrists tighter as he felt himself slipping from the fast pace of the flight.

"Morph," he called you with a faraway voice. "Slipping."

You clicked your tongue (a habit caught on from Damian), sweat beading between your brows as your general form shifted into a bulkier version of yourself, biceps rippling as you flipped Jason's swaying form onto your back, hoping he would hold on to one of your wings for dear life.

Your wings snapped open as you swept out of the narrow entrance to the crumbling building, letting the wind carry you higher. As if not a moment too soon, the entire area and the two hollow apartment buildings surrounding it suddenly let out a deep groan before blasting behind you.

You felt the force of the heat sear your feathers as your body ached to fly farther from the burning ghostown. You could hear screams of pain and agony of men on fire. Your head spun around to glance at the mess the bomb rigged off...and the beautiful glow it gave Jason’s face.

He stared at you, eyes scaling your features to your neck. You felt more than just the fiery heat of the explosion on your face and it dawned upon you that Jason was studying you. Intensely. Your lips felt a little drier than usual as you stuck your tongue out to lick them quickly. His eyes swiftly glanced at the movement and the heat in your cheeks burned against the wind. 

“Why the fuck is your neck cracked back like an owl?” he asked bluntly. You stared at his rude outburst, unsure of what to make of the heat creeping up your...twisted neck.

Sniffing your nose at him, you swiveled your head back around. “To scare dicks like you who ask.”

You suddenly became aware of how tight he was holding on to your wings, slightly stroking them with his leather gloves as they beat softly towards Gotham City. You wished he wouldn't touch you like this when you were currently trying to lift two heavy vigilantes at the fastest speed you could muster to Gotham City. It made the heat in your face and the bitter wind against your arms clash violently.

You heard him sigh as he settled his chin onto your muscled shoulder. You literally heard his racing mind as he patted his pockets with a small wriggle to his fingers, tsking in annoyance when he didn't find what he was looking for. You gripped Damian tighter as he began to stir slightly in your arms, reaching around for his back pocket, where you knew he always kept a spare. Your eyes burned with confusion as you fluttered your wings suddenly, unsettling his movements.

“If you light a cigarette on my back, I will fling you into the very same hellhole I pulled you out of.” You attempted to sound threatening with a tired tone you hoped would sound serious enough to him.

You felt Jason chuckle into your ear. “Had worse graves than a little fire.”

“I’ll toss the prodigal son in as an extra package.”

“...sorry." You almost smiled at the response.

“You better be,” you blinked away the thought of smiling, the soft haze of city lights coming into view as you flew over the dam. The anxious thoughts of failure and ashes crept into your head as you heard the buildings behind you sink into the soft ground beneath it. “How the hell are we gonna explain **that** to Batman?”

**Author's Note:**

> this was supposed to be funny but as the night got younger i started to go, "oh shit this finna bout to be serious shit 😳"


End file.
